Sunday, October 26, 2008


So, I wrote about election season in the US, without getting more than one or two "go back to where you came from" comments.

That clearly means that I need to ratchet up the controversy level, and bring up an issue near and dear to my heart - and given the times, possibly even more relevant than the election.

Yes, Halloween is almost upon us. That most holiest of holidays, when the whole country comes together, and without regards to race, religion or age, people join a common cause. Namely the gluttonous eating of candy.

It's a holiday without the stress of finding presents (or feeling alone if you have nobody to find presents for). And not even the crazies will go on national TV to complain about the "war against Halloween" - they'll be in WalMart, Target, and Costco, buying candy by the metric ton, exactly like the rest of us.

But there is a dark underbelly to even this friendliest of holidays.

No, I'm not talking about the binge eating ("I bought 15 lbs of candy, but I'll sit in the dark the whole evening so that nobody will ring the door bell, so that tomorrow I'll have the excuse to eat it all") and the inevitable diabetic shock and amputated limbs that follow.

Nor even about the pre-teen girls dressing up (or rather, down) as sluts, because it's the one night of the year when it's cute to look like a under-age hooker.

No. I'm talking about the horrible quality of candy in the US.

Because if you eat three times your body weight in candy in one day, shouldn't it be at least good candy?

Oh, I'm not expecting Belgian chocolate truffles (which really are way over-rated anyway, and a sure sign of snobbishness rather than any appreciation of the better side of life). I'm just talking about stuff that has some taste rather than being just colored sugar with corn starch.

In other words, I'm talking about the sad - and almost total - lack of ammonium chloride.

As every dietician worth his (or her) title knows, you need to balance the sugars with some taste. No, it doesn't really have to be ammonium chloride (NH4Cl), but any self-respecting candy should be mostly something that makes your taste-buds go Whee!

Because that's the whole point. Sure, the diabetic shock may a fine way to weed out the weak, and while you could probably see Halloween as some kind of Darwinistic ritual of survival of the fittest (because it really is a holiday that works for all people, regardless of beliefs or lack there-of), I'm sure that in the end we can all agree on the whole taste-buds-go-whee-factor.

But most US candy really does seem to be more about thumbing your nose at diabetics than it is about taste buds. And this needs to change!

I realize that I can drag my sorry ass off to the nearest Finnish store (yeah, there is one in Portland), and I also realize that the Dutch store also is an excellent source of candy that actually tastes like something. And yes, sometimes you can even find Licorice Allsorts (an acceptably tasty treat) even in regular stores. So I can get my fix.

But I'm saddened how the biggest feast of the year seems designed to perpetuate the lack of any real taste in candy.

I've tried to introduce Americans to some real candy. Most of them just spit it out, because they've been indoctrinated in the whole "sugar with some bland taste" religion of candy eating. And I blame Halloween.

We need fun-sized bags of ammonium chloride, or at least licorice!


Unknown said...

During my childhood (in southern AZ) I ate quite a bit of what we called "Mexican candy." The base of Mexican candy is not all that different than a lot of the American candy you are talking about. The difference lies in that fact that much of it is either covered or filled with chili powder. From my experience, most people I have tried to introduce to this type of candy, as adults, are repulsed by it. Those of us who grew up eating it still love it.

Anonymous said...

"Oh, I'm not expecting Belgian chocolate truffles"
Indeed, nothing to compare with french chocolate, the best ;P

Anonymous said...

During haloween, I play a hangman who is still a little alive.
Many children just forget the candies...
(sorry for my poor english...)

david hayes said...

Is licorice all you want, or are there other real candies? If licorice is the only real one, I'm out of that game forever.

Z said...

Welcome to the USA! (So I'm a little late with this...) Where the wonderful spectrum of beers is reduced to Bud, the worldwide range of sausages is "boiled down" to the weenie, and candy is just a lump of sugar.

mvilrokx said...

If you have been here long enough, you probably know that this extends to most of the (processed) food here in the US where a burgers taste like tofu and beer like water.

As a Belgian I obviously have to object against your comment about Belgian Chocolate truffles ;-)


Gonzamazo said...

hello torvals i love windows xp and i dont use linux , maybe when i hace 18 years

Anonymous said...

So, do tell: what sorts of candy are we missing out on?

Lally said...

The food industry still mostly lives in the shadow of the industrial revolution. Assembly lines, optimization, and the consequent destruction of what makes food good: variety, complexity, subtleness.

I don't have any good answers for you, sorry. But, I can ask if you have any URLs for good online sources of this better candy you speak of.

Anonymous said...

So, I think a lot of us need to fly to Portland, and go trick-r-treating to Linus's, and get some proper salmiakki. It scared me in Finland,
but in Portland, it'd just be fun.

Anonymous said...

Hey Linus, any way you could post a top 5 or top 10 list of candies that you recommend we try? That would make me very happy.

Anonymous said...

Ah Salmiakki that most tasty of candy, although you can't forget Terva Leijona and Tyrkisk Peber.

I have vigorously hunted these in the US, ever since i was introduced to them by a Finnish coworker -- Having consumed dutch Scheepstouw for years.

I curse you for having both local finnish and dutch stores :P

Unknown said...

The US food industrial complex at your service. Ultimately the goal is to get corn and soy into you, and all with taxpayer subsidies.

For example some people think that what is sold as "beef" or "pork" is exactly that. It is actually just cow or pig flavoured corn. The candy is also just industrially flavoured corn syrup.

Michael Pollan's books are a fun read if you really want to know more.

Jason said...

I totally agree Linus, there needs to be more of a prioritization on flavor and not sweetness.

But what kinds of candy can I get online that might be better than stuff in stores?

Thanks for everything!

Wirehead said...

Okay, you Nordic folk are just out of control. You use soldering flux to flavor candy and drain cleaner to season fish....

carlos said...

so you like salmiakki a lot, huh, Linus?

maxolasersquad said...

I tried some Japanese candy once and I could not stomach it. Wasabi and sweets just don't mix IMO.

Russ Nelson said...

I grew up around licorice, hating it, and I still hate it. Candy that tastes like something? Sure, just as long as it's anise-free.

My word verification is "nerts". Shout-out to any M*A*S*H fans.

Lars D said...

I thought Denmark was the only country with good candy, but now you are telling me, that Finland is great, too? Great :-)

Anyway, lots of cheap candy is also known in Germany. If you go to world's biggest Carneval, in the Rheinland area in Germany, you can easily collect multiple kilograms of candy from the streets during the parades.

After a bit of googling, I found these links to popular and good candy by Linus criteria:

Anonymous said...

And never forget salmiakki kossu.

A perversion, perhaps, but a yummy one. Tastes... "different".

Unknown said...

Try Suomikauppa:

Unknown said...

People are just too used to you writing controversial stuff that no-one is surprised anymore...

Men laktris är gott!

Tom said...

I have spend some time in Florida and NYC and american food is mostly totally horrible. You have to pay a lot to get some descent stuff.
Most of the regular stuff just makes me sick! That carbon free / fat free craze is a taste holocaust ( Godwin needed to strike ).

Only thing I miss is cuban bread.

The thing that amazes me is how can people get so fat by eating such rubbish. (Yeah .. I know it probably because of the rubbish, but I couldn't get fat in america .. would be way too expensive for me!)

RAV TUX said...

Portland is a great place for a diverse palette, I just moved from the Historic Alphabet District back in August. I am a Diabetic and all candy is poison to me regardless of the country of origin or any added (or not added) ingredients. I did stop at the local farmers market on the Willamette water front here in Corvallis; and treated myself to some fresh cranberries from Bandon, fresh Kiwis from Kiger Island just south of Corvallis, fresh strawberries, fresh sunflower sprouts, and a jaipur cantaloupe all from the Corvallis area farms. Fresh fruit and vegetables are my candy of choice, Oregon style. Oh Yeah!...I also picked up some great Lion's Mane Mushrooms from the Rain Forest Mushrooms farm in Eddyville.
The beauty of living here in Oregon is we have the fertile Willamette Valley which supplies us with some of the freshest fruit and vegetables in the country.
My plans for the sacred Halloween night is to hang up a 'do not disturb' sign while I eat fresh pumpkin bread, from a freshly slaughtered sacrificial pumpkin (well just a nimble or two I am a diabetic after all, I have to have some since my wife is making it from scratch).
(PS: I notice you sit on the board here at OSU, any chance you could attend a local LUG and speak(gratis)?...if so please let me know jozef AT ravtux DOT com ;)

seth said...

I'd say it's pretty much true that our tastes in candy are about dumping as much processed sugar and corn syrup into candy as possible, and it seems that only a handful of candies that deviate from that formula very much. I do feel that you've neglected to comment on the sour side of candy, however, and that's almost equally important to our candy industry.

If you don't mind, please list some of the best candies you've seen available in America(both domestic and imported), as this cause interests me.

Anonymous said...

Heh, as I read this, I was just having some Tyrkisk Peber some Danish friends left with me. I'm a sucker for the anise family of flavors.

We don't celebrate Halloween in Chile (not like here in the States, at least), and I can't really think of any Chilean candy as such, but I do miss some of the pastries from there. I always think Chilean food is rather boring compared to other places, but every now and them I'm reminded of some treat that I can't find anywhere else.

zrr said...

You are definitely a wonderful Nerd! Swiss Chocolate is good as well! Try some of that too! I can send you some if you like! Much better then Belgium Chocolate.

Anonymous said...

Americans do have one good (tasty) thing going for them and that's peanut butter. No wonder, then, that they put it in pretty much every chocolate bar variant that you can find in regular stores. Peanut butter is the sole reason I visit American specialty stores now that I've moved back to Finland... ;)

But, yes, pretty much every other type of candy in the Americas is inedible. Even KitKat tastes different in Europe - seems to be a different mix of chocolate that they use.

Tuxie said...

I have taken the Stockholm-Helsinki ferry a bunch of times and the first thing I always do is buying some Terva Leijona! I can't understand why Finland is the only place in the world where they make candy with tar-taste, and why the are so hard to find even in Sweden. Salmiakki candy are everywhere here though and I love it.

Jyrma said...

Moi, Linus!

Nice blog you have here. Keep it going :D

I'm a HUGE fan of salmiakki. In fact, I hardly ever buy any other sweets.

Here's my TOP3 salmiakkis:

Super Salmiakki:

Tyrkisk Peber:

Tervaleijona (Tar Lion):

r3tex said...

Bahahahaha, as a Swedish/American I found your post really funny ;D
I'd send you some lösgodis if I could.

Boywing said...

What you get used to as a child is what you will keep loving as an adult and treat your kids with. Here in the Nordic most people like salmiak candy and we are used to juicy real fruit tasting candy. Not too sweet and a lot of taste. Hand made candy are always the best. Try some at home, it is not too hard. :)

as3.1415rin said...

> And never forget salmiakki kossu.

I was about to write that before I read it. no possibility to do your own without any turkish pepper ?

and yes, reading the first lines of the post, one could already guess where that might lead, bearing in mind that a finn is writing there.

a weak version of the lack of liquorice already starts somewhere in the middle of germany, so that problem commented on here is quite common :P

Anonymous said...

I agree with your post, but I think that you forgot one important thing: American milk chocolate tastes really bad. Especially the aftertaste is really horrible, I cannot even describe...

(Also the cheese i got there on my trip, i guess that was "swiss cheese" or something, was also really bad but i think that that is bit off-topic. Maybe Americans fail with dairy products?)

Wormwood said...

Yup, I have to agree, despite being an American weened on the "bland" stuff. I hate liquorice, but I had the fortune of buying the "spiked" variety (Dent Salty, IIRC) from a food importer known as Jungle Jim's and it really does improve the flavor immensely. (The store's based in the Cincinati, Ohio area with an easy to guess domain name, if anybody here wants to check it out.)

On a related note, the imported ramen is much better than the stuff they sell in supermarkets here too: Myojo's "Mustard Mayo Yakisoba" variety puts everything else to shame.

Barry Kelly said...

Re Belgian truffles being overrated, I'm not sure. Belgian truffles are the variety and kind of chocolates that I like best - for relatively the mass-produced kind, Leonidas gets my vote - but that doesn't mean that different palates don't like other kinds better.

For myself, I can for example say that Godiva truffles are hugely overpriced and not nearly as nice as the Leonidas ones.

French artisan chocolates, on the other hand, are too small and their flavourings too coarse and lumpy for me: I like flavourings to be as creamy / fine-ground as the chocolate itself.

However, if we were to restrict the candy discussion just to chocolate, I'm sure we can dismiss most American chocolate right away :) American milk chocolate in particular tastes of vomit; they actually use sour milk in the manufacture. Of course, the US is large enough that there will be isolated exceptions, but that's no excuse. If you're looking to play it safe, Belgian truffles won't lead you far wrong.

And if I had my druthers, it would be Leonidas coffee ganache.

Anonymous said...

Maybe we from the rest of the world should all go and get a pice our favourite type of candy and send it over to Linus so he can have a taste competition? On the other hand Homeleand Security will probably blow up every package containing suspicious and possibly bio-hazardous looking "material" entering the country... or they'll ship it off to Guantanamo! ;-)

Satellite One said...

A dutch friend once gave me a salt candy they like over there. I couldn't believe it, it was so .... inedible. But apparently the dutch just love it. Really makes you think how even something as simple as the consumption of tasty treats is really a cultural thing.

Anonymous said...

It's common for atheists to worship Darwin. The funny thing is evolution is in the Bible. How else would God design evolution but to kill-off mostly wicked people. I think 10 million Germans died in WWII. What makes you think that was an unfair or unusual natural selection? Now, there are only good Germans.

Those who do evil will be cut off, but those who wait for the LORD will possess the land.
Wait a little, and the wicked will be no more; look for them and they will not be there.
But the poor will possess the land, will delight in great prosperity.
The wicked plot against the just and grind their teeth at them;
But the LORD laughs at them, knowing their day is coming.
The wicked draw their swords; they string their bows To fell the poor and oppressed, to slaughter those whose way is honest.
Their swords will pierce their own hearts; their bows will be broken.
Better the poverty of the just than the great wealth of the wicked.
The arms of the wicked will be broken; the LORD will sustain the just.
The LORD watches over the days of the blameless; their heritage lasts forever.
They will not be disgraced when times are hard; in days of famine they will have plenty.
The wicked perish, the enemies of the LORD; Like the beauty of meadows they vanish; like smoke they disappear.

Andrew said...

I have always hated licorice, even as a kid. I can not agree with your Finnish ideals although I will agree that American Chocolate is horrible compared to English chocolate.

Anonymous said...

So I hope the community sends you TONS of Liquorice and Belgian Chocolate truffles and Czech Beer and German Bread.

Anonymous said...

You got evolution all bassackward. What planet do you live on?

I myself will pasture my sheep; I myself will give them rest, says the Lord GOD.
The lost I will seek out, the strayed I will bring back, the injured I will bind up, the sick I will heal (but the sleek and the strong I will destroy), shepherding them rightly.
As for you, my sheep, says the Lord GOD, I will judge between one sheep and another, between rams and goats.

You better change your ways. Your operating system can be for the atheists, mine, for Christians.

Unknown said...

Even the candy tastes like chicken! Those darn machines couldn't get _one_ thing right.

Unknown said...

Dear Linus,
My name is Marco Aurelio Fiochi. I'm journalist and I'm writing from São Paulo, Brazil. I sent you an e-mail today, asking you for an interview for the magazin I've working for, called Continuum Itaú Cultural, which is published for Itaú Cultural Institute. Please, check and inboxes,and you'll see my message.

For further information, please answer me and I can explain more about the job.

Thank you very much, and forgive me for some inconvinience.

Best regards,

Marco Aurelio Fiochi

robert said...

Maybe Open source candy is needed.

Niklas Andersson said...

More Djungelvrål and Turkisk peppar to the people!

Ethan Anderson said...

I'm with robert. How do we know what makes it taste like crap and fix it if we don't even know exactly how its made?! That's ridiculous, we'll never get anywhere.

I want open source candy!, if I can make my own, I can probably pig out for a lot less money...

...I'm considering just passing out Ubuntu 8.10 install discs and free support contracts this year and just keeping the candy to myself.
*om nom nom*

Anonymous said...

Ah, Linus, such a pompous ass, insults the whole country yet again, and we love him anyway. I think you'll have to ratchet it up a bit more, insulting my sweet tooth hurts a bit, but I'm not going to fault you for it. There's too much truth to your observation.

Anonymous said...

I say that if their candies are your only problem in the usofA ,
then you are a philosophical stoic on top of your IT powers. I was sick of their bread (same opinions in writing by Bela BARTOK & Henry MILLER), it was "mission impossible" to find a piece of decent cheese, all their beers are horse piss (although Canada is not too far & Beck's, Kirin, Sapporo are
available), their gruesome speed limits are tied to the low quality of their cars & tires .... and the sight of a usarican parking lot is an eyesore !!
BUT liquors & bars are OK ; and many of the ladies are outstanding -
light years above and away from the rock bottom Sarah PiPalina.
AND to Mr Fabien : NOTHING from France is best, if good at all : best food is Japanese, best wine is South African, best cheese is Spanish, best cars are German, best women are Latina's, best chocolate is Belgian, .. a.s.o (Sarkozy = Bush, Royal = Palin).

Unknown said...

Belgian chocolates are NOT overrated! Order some 'pralines' when you're in Belgium next time!


A Belgian Linux User :)

Unknown said...

Much of the problem with American food is that the government has imposed price controls and import quotas on sugar. This causes high-fructose corn syrup to be attractively priced by comparison, so American food uses corn syrup instead of real sugar in most cases.

This benefits both the sugar lobby, and the corn lobby, at the expense of the taxpayers and anyone else who eats in America.

I have not examined the evidence myself, but there are reputedly some studies which link high-fructose corn syrup to diabetes and obesity, because fructose does not digest the way sucrose does.

BigMeanie said...

As far as candy goes, I've been into the sweet-and-sour thing lately. Warheads are good, but those are not for the uninitiated. Better to start out with something like Lemonheads or Sour Punch Ropes at first. Only after achieving a tolerance for that level of sourness should you carefully progress to Warheads or even the dreaded Toxic Waste Sour Apple Nuclear Sludge.

Second thought, maybe you should just leave that stuff alone, because overuse can lead to dependency. After several months of daily use, my body is now incapable of producing saliva on its own, without ingesting concentrated levels of citric acid.

Diego said...

Well I am a honduran guy,(Honduras, latin America country) and in my personal opinion we have been influenced by the USA to eat USA candy.

Well our traditional candy is better than the one USA sell to us and is cheapeast.
But well not every one wants to believe the true. They make their own prejudice about that. Thinking that USA products are better because they cost$$$$$

materthron said...

It seems no one here likes Fazer.

Arin said...

miiro: milk chocolate isn't supposed to taste like that? (not all of it does, i think, but i'm an American, so i haven't seen anything else). your cheese was probably "process cheese," a combination of cheese and various other fillers, then flavored like Swiss. but to candy, for some reason, the American culture will not take (pardon me for using chemicals) sucrose in. many dump biologically unprocessable sucralose (also known as Splenda(tm)), or, as is the case of many candy/soda companies, Corn Syrup. Coca-cola is still not using their original formula, they cut sugar out and replaced it with Corn Syrup. It's also dirt cheap.

Arin said...

oops. miiro, the two statements i wrote about milk chocolate and swiss cheese were for you, the rest was in response to the blog post.

Riku Voipio said...

Jotain suomalaistakin on siis vielä jäljellä - salmiakin himo ;)

ps. You should consider adding some non-intrusive google ads on you blog ;)

Unknown said...

Carl, you are quite correct about HFCS being the primary problem with American food in general. When I was a child, candy had taste. Now.. ugh. It's abysmal. It's one of the reasons we used to have decent chocolate, and now we have... chalk.

And as far as anyone who has ever had "American Cheese" inflicted on them - my apologies. On behalf of Americans Who Still Have Taste, I offer my sincere apologies. We have many delicious cheeses made in America. Unfortunately "American Cheese" is NOT one of them. But it's great for bait if you're trout fishing.

Yogarine said...

"and I also realize that the Dutch store also is an excellent source of candy that actually tastes like something" \o/

Fuck Belgian truffles! Dutch truffles are the best! ;-)

Sami Serola said...

Here in Finland we have this thing called "Sisu". The new flavor of Sisu sweet is called "SYSI" and it's especially good.

So come home and have some Sisu!

Although there's not much "home" left because today almost everything in Finland is owned by foreigners...

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Anonymous said...

arin: Well, I don't know about that cheese, but certainly milk chocolate shouldn't taste like the Hershey's milk chocolate tastes. Maybe you should buy some European chocolate - I bet you'd notice the difference!

Btw, I found a topic about "Why does American chocolate taste like dog treat chocolate?" in Yahoo! Answers:

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said...

I'm a little late here, but as an American who formerly lived in Finland, I miss salmiakki like a crack-fiend in Antarctica... I hate licorice (OK, the really fresh Panda stuff is good), but I tolerate it in candy that has ammomium chloride just to get my fix. I prefer the pure stuff (like Sisu). That said, most of the rest of Finnish candy is just like American candy and it seems like more and more young people are going for it. I remember hearing stories from old finnish grandpas about when they were little and didn't have/couldn't afford candy and enjoyed eating tree bark. Maybe they were just pulling my leg but they DID eat tar, and I have to say I like it as well...

pauljs75 said...

Not everyone has an affinity for the licorice flavored stuff. I suppose I can count myself amongst them. I guess to my own taste perception, it's like sticking my finger in my ear and then licking that. Perhaps that makes my dislike a bit more understandable?

I bet if you set up a licorice exchange (1 sweet candy for one licorice) on halloween you could get your particular fix on. I'm sure Good n' Plenty and some others are still around.

Now if there's a candy that has a limited audience, but one I like that isn't the typical chocolate or fruity flavored sweets, it's going to be cinnamon red-hots. I'd trade the more typical fare for some of those.

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